Dear Apocalypse.
Ive been writing to you for a long time and you have not happened yet.
Do you like us or something?

(written on November 16th 2020)

Dear APOCALYPSE,

I always thought it would happen fast,
A searing but definite end to the world
As we know it,
But you've been the creeping kind,
Changing little by little
So that we begin to accept you.

People call you the "new normal",
Like we're getting to know you,
A new friend,
As if you're a fun little game
With rules and dice rolls,
But I'm not playing.

You’re getting comfortable,
In the complacency of humankind,
The need to touch,
But I’m building an army
Of vaccines and soldiers,
And we’re coming for you,

Dear APOCALYPSE.

(written on Sept 28th 2020)

Dear Apocalypse,

Who knew it would be our need for each other that killed us in the end. As much as we all proclaimed our dislike for others and all adhered to social distancing, we just couldn't stay away. Like moths to a flame, we were drawn together. Small at first and then bigger groups as our appetite grew. We were insatiable, needing others more that we could ever admit.

(musings on the potential end of the pandemic - written 15th March- hoping it is not a prophesy)

(written on June 17th)

We’re all walking on ice. And if we stand too close together we fall through.

(written on April 14th)

DEAR APOCALYPSE,

What have you done..???
You have pulled me apart from those I love so dear, you have pulled me apart from myself. You have made me feel like I am nothing more than an insignificant other. I have cried and felt oh so alone.
And yet I feel more compelled to live a life, a better life when all this is finished. I cant promise that I will not continue to make mistakes, however I can only promise myself to work harder... on squeezing those I love a little tighter and saying I love you just as much if not more than I did before. There are bad days feeling an overwhelming sense of longing to see my little sister my mum and my Dad, see them and hold them and knowing that I would be doing no wrong with my kindest gesture. For now I can't and it's for a greater good that I hope to see in my near future. I dream of the route I will drive and the stops I will make to gaze and the landmarks of my life and take them in with my eyes rather then a looking glass. I dream of the moment I can embrace my loved ones that I have known all my life and thanking them for still being there.
My good days are when I can see a light in my future due to the hard work that I commit to with what I hope is conviction, building a home with the one you love. The one I never thought I would meet, please dont let this moment end when my real adventure is only beginning. I walk barefoot on the ground to level my mind to stop it from getting carried away so easily with darkness.
Please ...... when this is all over we shall share what we have learnt individually as well as a collective group as to how precious our lives are as well as things around them. I will survive and thrive from this I will grow and become someone I could say I dreamt of becoming.

Stay Safe, you are not alone and we are all in this together. Love yourself and love those around you.

Love Lwijia xxx

(written on April 12th)

We are isolating, as much as possible, not leaving the apartment unless it seems absolutely necessary. Ohio went into statewide isolation last Monday, and we have been lucky enough to be able to work from home. Our internet was having issues for a while, and it was very stressful. I was afraid that we would lose our jobs. We haven't yet. We have been lucky in that regard. Many others, not so much.

I worry about my loved ones that I cannot go hug for what could possibly be the last time. I worry about everyone in general, too. I'm frightened. I am lonely. And I am isolated with a man that I am fairly certain does not love me anymore. Probably even resents me. He mostly ignores me. Sometimes, he hardly speaks to me. I want to be held. I want to be held and told that everything is going to be ok and to know that he loves me and cares that I'm ok. But, I don't see that happening.

I am too tired for this. Most of my strength was taken away by others or I gave it away to those who didn't deserve it and all of the trauma and pain has ruined me and taken away almost all of the good that I could be and who I am. The magick of me is gone. That is probably why he doesn't want me anymore. He's realized there isn't much left worth having. I had so much hope that he was the one that was here to help me heal and find my strength again. It seemed like it for a time. Sometimes, I hope this covid virus takes me. Maybe i could finally, truly rest and be at peace. Take me and spare someone more worthy of this life. Just give me enough time to make sure my loved ones know how much they mean to me.

(written on March 31st 2020)

Note to selves:

What if the coronavirus is the universe answering all of the wishes, prayers, thoughts and energy that we humans have put out there asking for more time...more hours in a day to get shit done, more time to learn X, more time to spend with Y, more time to figure out Z...time is arguably the most valuable resource there is, suggesting that the cost of “time” would be high.

——-

As this virus sweeps across our global landscapes faster than anything we have seen before, everything else comes to a halt. We see the destruction it leaves in its wake as our brave first responders work endlessly to save those infected and defend those most vulnerable. Their efforts do not go unnoticed, but the rate of newly infected surpasses what’s humanly capable.

It’s frightening now, and there is such pain and sorrow for those continuing to battle this invisible beast, for those sick and suffering, for those who have lost loved ones, who have been separated from their families, who have lost jobs, who have had to close up shop, those in need of food and supplies, and those who are already alone in more forced forms of isolation.

Yes, it is fucking scary, but many good things have come from bad situations throughout history. Both world wars had positive impacts on human and technological advancements that propelled us forward despite the awfulness of war. The bad is not what lasts. The bad is not the end.

Maybe we are seeing things in the wrong light. Despite the bad, this coronavirus has shone a light on just how broken our world has become. Maybe this is the universe trying to give us what we need in the only way she knows how to capture our attention. Maybe the whole fucking apocalypse is not the message, but rather, it’s the cost of the most precious gift of all — time.

Time to take notice of our current worldly status and our behaviors that got us here.

Time to reflect on what is important to us, our families, our communities, and what kind of a world we want to live in going forward.

Time to heal our hearts, our countries, and our environments and develop better guiding principles to push us forward with new advancements once again.

——-

As we weather the bad, all we have is time, minute by minute, isolated in our homes, waiting for this virus to run its course. The world has slowed to a crawl and our individual lives paused as we’re left wondering how to fill so many empty hours.

Let's not waste them. The planet is already starting to heal itself as humans are forced inside their homes. People are pushing the current limits of virtual connection to stand together with empathy and support for one another.

There is more to do. What if we treat each hour as a gift and fill it with good. What if we let the universe know we see her and we are listening for the next set of instructions. Let's follow through on our wishes and complete those Xs, Ys and Zs. We can better ourselves so we can better our communities during this time of uncertainty. What if we can come out of quarantine as a new world. One that is stronger, wiser, and more grateful than ever. United as humans. Committed to kindness.

What if more love for each other in this new world we create together is what is remembered most when looking back on the covid-19 pandemic? Love can cast out our fears. Love can build bridges between our differences. Love can be the light reflected in the eyes of those that survive. Is there a better way to remember the thousands of lives lost than by loving those left behind more whole heartedly than before?

(written on March 22nd 2020)

Thanks for forcing me to be able to say "no", for forcing me to change my pace.

Oh, I still take care of elderly mom, disabled hubby, broken-hearted youngest daughter with 2 babies living with me.

But all of a sudden, I'm free.

Free from the pressures of working so hard to provide financially, and to show up for extended friends and family to the level I always have and always will.

Free to pick up my guitar, to sing.

Free to garden again.

Free to do the many projects around my own home that I couldn't justify because my income was so needed.

Thank you for the re-set, DEAR Apocalypse.

(written on March 22nd 2020)

The apocalypse
Will kill a lot of people
While healing the earth

#haiku
#notafairtrade
#ihateit

(written March 21st 2020)