Dear Apocalypse,

You are small. You are mostly made of fear, and I’m used to fear. I’ve survived almost forty years of autistic isolation, depression, dissociation, and depersonalization.

Of the things there are to fear, you are so small.

Tell us to isolate, we will reach out over the internet. Set up home offices and workshops. We will be communities nevertheless. Tell us that getting food is perilous, we will plant gardens; breed chickens and rabbits.

Little Apocalypse, you can’t win.

Each thing you come at us with, humans have survived before. My immune system is useless, my mental health is always one bad day from suicidal ideation, my triglycerides are genetically predisposed to be too high, but even I will survive you.

(written March 17th 2020)

Somehow I became the captain of a ship, and I only ever wanted was a little extra dough. I am trying to keep people calm, and all I want is to stay home and make cookies, and love.

I don't want to be one of the zombies found bumping around "at the scene." Just don't let them see you cry.

My homework is late, and they probably think I have nothing but time. My family is stir-crazy, their edge is real, but I just wanna lay low for a sec.

This is baloney, my dear Apocalypse, you can keep your sense of doom! I lack the desire to put up with your shit, I want to get my nails done.

(written March 17th 2020)

And the people stayed home. And read books and listened, and rested and exercised, and made art and played games, and learned new ways of being and were still.

And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless and heartless ways the earth began to heal.

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.

-Kitty O'Meara

Dear Apocalypse...

It's amazing that my whole country is shutting down. I left an abusive relationship, started living out of boxes, and lost my job within 24 hours.

I feel broken. I feel confused. I just want love right now.

I know that right now everyone in this situation may not have the options to leave.

And in case you're not able to relate, I hope that everyone gets to shelter themselves with people that they love deeply. Love shouldn't be cancelled, but respect shouldn't be either.

I need to get through this. I have no choice.

I might as well get through all of this at once.

(written March 17th 2020)

Dear Apocalypse,

I have so much anger left over from what he did. There hasn’t been a day since he told me about her that I don’t think about it. I’m stuck because he and his family rely on me to take care of his medical conditions.

His mother minimized my feelings. He’s a grown man and doesn’t deserve excuses to be made for him. I’ll never get any closure, and it kills me every day.

(written March 17th 2020)

Dear family,

we are far away from each other, and though I spent a long walk from home crying today, I feel you out there. They will be closing the borders soon to our countries, and I would have to fight a war to get to you, but it's ok.

When you are in the middle of fear, you feel like it will be always. I was crying because I thought of always being separate from you. I thought of my general being separate from you and how hard that is, how I miss a thousand little things every single minute that I'm not with you.

This end is not an end, but a reminder. To treasure the fuck out of every second, every millisecond, I have with you at all. Thank you for being mine. Stay safe, please,

I cannot handle losing you.

(written March 16th 2020)

Dear Apocalypse,

The world wasn't prepared for you. We prepare for fires, car accidents, natural disasters, but no one was ready to confront a pandemic. Apocalypse, you're proving to us what it means to be human. You're showing us that life finds a way, and that doesn't just mean human life. We are just a result of the life that found its way and became humankind.

You're proving to us that we really aren't at the top of the food chain, so what will we do for survival? Are humans the kind to unite? Will we persevere together or let greed take control? As a lone human myself, so much fear and anxiety struck me. I'm alone in my city, family totally out of reach, and those that are within reach are weak and fragile. There's no security in our income and housing anymore for the foreseeable future. After just a few days my feelings of worry melted away as I realized this is a natural way of life. We may prepare and fight, but life will always find its way.

You and I and humankind will find its way as long as we rightfully do so. Now more than ever is the time to consider everyone around you, because everyone around you is a part of YOU.

I wish so badly to visit my dad in one state, my grandmother in another, my lovers and friends elsewhere. We are all experiencing our own unique feelings of longing for the ones we love, but virtual support and isolation will be what unites us in the end.

Apocalypse, these times are so trying, but together we are realizing the intense value of life and survival as a species. Humankind will overcome.

- RT

(written March 17th 2020)

(sent March 16th 2020)

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I didn't ask to be here. I didn't have any say in being brought into this. But, here I am. Trying to make the best of things. Trying to have fun, do good, explore and make the most of it anyway.

Being human is messy.

Like, really fucking messy in every imaginable way (and many that you'll never imagine). We're selfish and short-sighted and quick to give ourselves a big ol' pat on the back when we fix a wrong we caused by being selfish and short sighted in the first place.

But, perfection would be boring and the world tends towards entropy anyway. May as well have fun with it. Laugh until you pee (but just a little bit), love without reservation. Dance until you're a wee bit delirious.

Observe the beauty around you even if it means standing in a puddle of filth to see it. Refuse to act your age, get complacent or conform to someone else's idea of 'you'-ness. Don't be an asshole to those that don't deserve it. Learn how to change a flat tire.

It may not make the end any easier. It may not feel like any of it mattered, but you owe it to yourself to at least try while you still can.

(written march 16th 2020)